Booksbybob's Blog

New Medical Breakthrough

booksbybob — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:31:11 +0000

FACT:
More people are getting medical treatment, taking more drugs, having more diagnostic tests and having more surgeries than ever before in history, yet more people are getting sick than ever before.

FACT:
There are over 200,000 nonprescription drugs and 30,000 prescription drugs on the market and doctors write over three billion prescriptions each year.

FACT:
People who laugh actually live longer than those who don’t laugh. (Dr. James A. Walsh.)
Laughter research has shown that humor and especially laughter can help keep
our bodies strong and disease resistant.

FACT:
Laughter has been shown to relax muscles, increase oxygen flow, promote circulation, and reduce tension as well as lower blood pressure, ease stress and boost your immune system. (Dr. Michael Cutler)

FACT:
Spending an hour with a close friend is as effective as taking a pain reliever in treating headaches. (Willie T. Ong, MD)

The answer to this medical dilemma is now available to everyone!

Two years ago, Robert Thornhill began his research on the first novel in his Lady Justice mystery/comedy series.
After months of research and field study across the country involving thousands of patients (readers), the six volume Lady Justice series has been approved by the FDA (Fun-loving Doctors Association) and is available for world-wide distribution.
(Note) This is the only series endorsed by the AMA (American Mystery/Comedy Association)

DOSAGE

This new medical breakthrough is administered in six doses:

Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P.* (This has nothing to do with bowel movements. It is an acronym for City Retiree Action Patrol)
Lady Justice And The Lost Tapes
Lady Justice Gets Lei’d
Lady Justice And The Avenging Angels
Lady Justice And The Sting
Lady Justice And Dr. Death

OUR GUARANTEE

When taken as directed, we guarantee the following results:

1. You will smile, giggle, chuckle, snort and possibly break into uncontrollable laughter.

2. You will love the characters who will capture your heart and become your personal friends with whom you may spend many wonderful hours.

3. You will have a positive attitude that all is right with the world, that common folks can be heroes and that life doesn’t end at age sixty-five.

WARNING!

POSSIBLE DANGEROUS SIDE EFFECTS!

Extreme caution should be used when drinking beverages or if your bladder is full since reading a Lady Justice novel may cause spontaneous outbreaks of uncontrollable laughter which may cause liquids to squirt from bodily orifices.

Lady Justice novels may cause insomnia. Never start a Lady Justice novel just before going to bed. You won’t be able to put it down.

Be cautious of reading a Lady Justice novel in a public place. Your outbreaks of giggles and guffaws may disturb those around you.

TESTIMONIALS

“This book marks the first time a mystery story has made me laugh out loud. I laughed until tears were running, and my sides ached! I laughed so hard that my husband came to see if I was OK.” Beverly B. Independence, Mo.

“An excellent book. It is hilarious with numerous ‘one-liners’ that made me laugh aloud and brought tears to my eye in laughter.” Dan, La Porte, Indiana.

“This book is laugh-out-loud funny, on par with today’s most popular writers.” Marilyn D. Santa Clara, California.

“Very funny and fast-paced. Exactly how I love a mystery. I actually got choked up I laughed so hard yesterday.” Rose, Rockton, Illinois.

YOUR CHOICES

If you’re feeling down in the dumps, you can spend $265.00 for a prescription of Cymbalta, (If you’re lucky and you have insurance, your co-pay would be about $50.00)
OR

You can purchase the complete six volume set of Lady Justice mystery/comedy novels for the same $50.00

Buy the prescription, take it once and it’s gone, or buy a set of books you can enjoy and laugh with over and over again and share with your family and friends.

Make the healthy choice.

Laughter is indeed the best medicine!

To Order

Go To

http://booksbybob.com/medical-breakthrough_359.html

Why I Go Somewhere Else For Thanksgiving Dinner

booksbybob — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:18:34 +0000

One year, Maggie and I decided to host the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
Although we were both in our sixties, neither of us had done it before, but how hard could it be. I’d watched my mom and grandma do it for years.
The special day finally arrived.
“Ok, I’m ready to tackle this beast,” I proclaimed, and I ripped into the shrink-wrap.
After the bird was fully exposed, I noticed the corner of a bag sticking out of his rear end.
“Hey, somebody hid something inside our turkey,” I exclaimed.
Maggie came over to take a look. “Oh silly, nobody hid anything. Those are the giblets.”
“The what?”
“Giblets! You know, some of the inside parts of the turkey.”
“What am I supposed to do with them?”
“Well, I think you can make things with them, like stuffing and gravy.”
“Hold on a minute. I don’t EVER remember Grandma putting giblets in her gravy. That just doesn’t sound right.”
So I dried my hands, grabbed my dictionary and looked up ‘giblets’. According to Mr. Webster, “giblets are the edible offal of a fowl including the heart, gizzard, liver and other visceral organs.”
I nearly fainted.
“I’m sorry Maggie, but no giblets will ever be eaten in my house or in my presence. I hope that’s not a deal breaker.”
“I think I can live with that,” she replied.
I returned to the turkey, shoved my hand up his butt and pulled out the bag of giblets. For curiosity’s sake, I cut open the bag to take a look.
I shouldn’t have done that. There’s just some things that ought not be seen.
Sure enough, the inner plumbing of Tom Turkey spewed forth onto my countertop — and something else too.
A stiff piece of grisly meat about six inches long sat there staring me in the face.
“Holy Crap!” I exclaimed. “Come here and look at this! That looks like — No! Surely they wouldn’t put a turkey’s —– in the bag!”
“No, silly” Maggie replied. “That’s his neck.”
“This is just WRONG in so many ways.”
After disposing of the offending offal, I turned my attention to the cooking instructions I had pulled off the Internet.
“How To Cook A Turkey in 3 Easy Steps.”
Step 1: Preheat oven to 325 degrees and select a 3-4 inch-deep roaster pan with lid. Cooking time: 15 minutes per pound.
Step one seems pretty easy.
Step 2: For golden brown skin, spread butter evenly and season to taste with salt, pepper, garlic or rosemary.
No problem.
I dipped into the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ tub and under Maggie’s watchful eye, started lathering the bird’s ample breasts.
“Hmmm, this feels kind of good,” I murmured and gave Maggie my ‘sly, whadda you think’ look.
“Don’t even THINK about it, Buster,” she shot back.
“OK, OK, I’ll be good. Can you get me the salt and pepper and see what’s in my spice rack?”
“Nothing here but crab boil and taco seasoning. But you do have salt and pepper.”
“Well it says ‘season to taste’ and we both love tacos. How about we make Mexicali Turkey?”
I’ll bet nobody’s tried that before.
So I liberally coated the buttered breasts with salt, pepper and Old El Paso, and he was ready for Step 3, bake and baste.
“What about the stuffing? Aren’t you going to make stuffing?”
“O yea, stuffing. I almost forgot. How do you make it?”
Seeing the blank look on Maggie’s face, I muttered, “Well, back to the Internet.”
After an exhaustive search, we discovered there were two methods of stuffing preparation, pan and bird.
We went back to the kitchen and took a look up Tom’s rear end.
“Isn’t that where the offal came from?” I asked.
Getting an affirmative nod from Maggie, I made an executive decision on the spot.
“Pan it is!” I said.
Maggie didn’t argue.
Besides, I can’t ever remember my grandma digging stuffing out of the turkey’s butt.
Satisfied with our preparation thus far, we plopped the bird in the oven and turned our attention to the stuffing.
“OK, it says to chop up onion and celery and sauté in melted butter. Let’s see what’s in the vegetable bin.”
I had an onion, but the only other green thing was a head of lettuce.
“Aren’t celery and lettuce in the same food group?” I asked. “I mean they’re both green and both a vegetable.”
How can you argue with logic like that?
So we chopped up the onion and lettuce and while they were boiling in the butter, we checked out the next ingredient, bread. More precisely, stuffing bread.
“What’s stuffing bread?”
Another blank look.
I checked the breadbox and found a loaf of Wonder White Bread fortified with vitamins and minerals.
“If we use this in our stuffing, doesn’t it then become ‘stuffing bread’ by definition?”
Again, how can you argue with the logic?
So we cut the Wonder Bread in little cubes and added them to our boiling vegetable mix per the instructions.
Next step, ‘add two cups of stock’.
“What’s stock?”
“Well, I think it’s some kind of meat juice or gravy that comes in a can. I remember seeing cans of ‘beef stock’ and ‘chicken stock’ on the grocery shelf next to the soups.”
We looked in the cabinet and found a can of Campbell’s Beef Barley soup and a can of Campbell’s Creamy Chicken Noodle soup.
“Since this is a fowl dish, I vote we go with the chicken noodle.”
More culinary logic.
We opened the can and sure enough there was a creamy liquid.
“Looks like stock to me,” I said.
“Are you going to drain it?”
“Why? Aren’t bread and noodles almost the same thing? We’ve got a huge crowd coming today. This will add a little more body to the dish.”
So into the pan went the soup.
The final step was to add poultry seasoning.
Having already exposed the deficiencies in my spice rack, we knew the only thing left was crab boil.
We looked at each other.
“What do you think?”
“Well, it’s going to be pretty bland without some kind of seasoning.”
So into the pot it went.
After mixing the gooey mess, we plopped it in a baking pan. Ready for the oven.
So far, so good.
The remainder of the morning was spent with last minute cleaning, showering, shaving and make-up sandwiched around our hourly basting duties.
The directions said to remove the lid during the final hour of cooking to ensure a golden brown skin. So off came the lid.
Our creative recipes had produced a rather unusual aroma that permeated the apartment. There was the essence of Taco Bell laced with a hint of Joe’s Crab Shack. Not exactly what I remembered from Grandma’s kitchen.
By 12:30, it was time for the bird to come out of the oven.
Beautiful!
Guests would be arriving soon, so it was time for the final preparations.
Then it hit me.
GRAVY!
I can’t ever remember a Thanksgiving without turkey gravy.
OK, think. How did Grandma make gravy?
I remembered seeing her add three ingredients, milk, flour and the greasy stuff out of the bottom of the turkey pan. We have all of that — I think.
We pulled Tom out of the pan and several inches of rich, greasy turkey broth covered the bottom of the pan.
I went to the cabinet to look for flour and came up empty. I couldn’t remember when I had bought flour. I don’t bake.
But there on the shelf, next to my Top Ramen Noodles was my answer — Aunt Jemima.
OK, so it’s pancake mix, but flour is flour, right?
I kept dumping Aunt Jemima in the turkey grease until I had a thick brown paste. I put the pan on the stove and added milk. I was ready to cook it down to a rich smooth texture. It made my mouth water.
At last everything was ready.
Our guests had arrived, each with their own special dish, and sat expectantly awaiting the holiday feast.
I looked at the food on the table: Mexicali turkey: Wonderbread crab paste: Aunt Jemima gravy; hockey puck rolls, chitlins, and enough pumpkin pie with strawberry Cool Whip to feed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
And, of course, we had the perfect wine paring, Arbor Mist. It goes good with everything.
Not exactly the traditional Thanksgiving I remembered from my youth, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world.

*************************************************************

An excerpt from Robert Thornhill’s Lady Justice mystery/comedy series
For more information and reviews, go to BooksByBob.com
Submitted by:
Robert Thornhill
21312 E. 37th Terr Ct S
Independence, Mo 64057
660-383-6011
Booksbybob@hotmail.com

The Colon Cleanse

booksbybob — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:32:15 +0000

Sometimes, no matter how much you think you know about a person, they will surprise the heck out of you.
My sweetie, Maggie, with no fanfare, and in her quiet unassuming way, had been gently steering me into a healthier lifestyle.
While I hadn’t violently resisted, I hadn’t exactly embraced the idea either.
I figured maybe it was time to give it a try.
I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
“Thanks for caring,” I said.
“You’re welcome,” she replied.
I had thought that the path to an enlightened way of living was not so bad: just eat healthier food and take a few pills each day, but I soon discovered that I had only taken the first few baby steps in my transformation.
One evening we had just polished off a large pepperoni lover’s from Pizza Hut. I was wiping the grease off my fingers when Maggie delivered her next salvo in my lifestyle overhaul.
“Walt, we eat entirely too much meat and grease. We need to do a colon cleanse.”
“Say what?”
“A colon cleanse. Over the years, especially as we grow older, mucous and fecal material build up in your colon.”
I looked at the glom clinging to the bottom of the pizza carton. That thought wasn’t how I wanted to finish off my meal.
“There’s nothing wrong with my colon.”
“Oh really? And just how do you know that?”
“Well, everything I eat seems to come out—eventually.”
“Experts say you should clean your colon of mucous, fecal matter, and parasites every year. Have you ever done it?”
“Parasites? What are you talking about?”
“You know, tapeworms, stuff like that.”
I looked at a piece of stringy cheese on the side of the box and noticed a queasy feeling in my stomach.
“Is this all really necessary?”
“Let me tell you a story. When Elvis died, they did an autopsy. His colon was filled with over seventy pounds of impacted fecal material—mostly old cheeseburgers and fries.”
This was way more information than I wanted to hear about my most cherished idol. “So how does this cleanse thing work?”
She produced a bottle of pills. I guess it was a foregone conclusion that we were
both going to be cleansed.
“We just take five of these at bedtime, and in the morning nature will take its course.”
Dutifully, I swallowed the pills.
At 6:00 a.m. the next morning, I had a rude awakening. It felt as if a volcano was about to erupt in my lower regions. Fortunately, the bathroom wasn’t far, and I waddled toward it with my cheeks clinched shut.
My butt hit the seat just in time, and in the next three minutes everything I had ever eaten from last night’s pizza to the hot dogs I ate after my senior prom came pouring out. I staggered from the bathroom, a beaten man.
Maggie greeted me in the kitchen.
“Now doesn’t that feel better?”
Actually, it felt like my asshole was on fire, but I smiled and said, “Yes! That was just grand!”
I opened my paper, drank my coffee, and ate my cereal, but before I had finished the comics, the fiber kicked in. I felt another rumbling in my stomach and made a beeline for the bathroom.
I was in the midst of another colon scourge when I heard the phone ring.
“Oh, swell. Here I am pouring out my guts, and I have to share the experience with someone on the line. This day just isn’t starting well.”
I opened the door just far enough for Maggie to hand me the phone. I thought I heard her cough and mutter, “Oh my God!”
“This is Walt.”
“Ox here. I was so excited about what we learned from Dr. Pearson I just couldn’t sleep. Can I pick you up a half hour early?”
“Just then, an enormous gas bubble reverberated from the porcelain throne.
“What was that noise?”
“Never mind. Where are you now?”
“I’m actually on the way.”
“Give me a few minutes. I’m just — uhh — finishing up a project I started last night.”
By the time Ox arrived, I thought I had everything under control, but two blocks from the apartment, mother nature struck again.
“Ox! Quick! Pull into that 7-Eleven!”
“What’s the emergency?”
“If you don’t pull over, we’ll be giving our car to Hazmat!”
After one final cleanse, I emerged from the can and saw an elderly gentleman who had been patiently waiting for his turn.
As I was walking away, I heard him mutter, “Good Lord!”

************************************************************************
An excerpt from the Lady Justice mystery/comedy series by Robert Thornhill
http://booksbybob.com

CHAPTER 35

booksbybob — Thu, 19 May 2011 18:23:09 +0000

Chapter 35

So far so good!
After a year of wearing the big ‘S’ (for self-published) on my forehead and being rejected by the bookstore biggies, I have experienced a very refreshing and satisfying two months since the release of my third mystery/comedy novel, Lady Justice Gets Lei’d. As you can imagine from the title, the plot takes place in Hawaii, specifically on the island on Maui.
My wife, Peg, and I just returned from two weeks on that beautiful island where we had four book signing events anchored by the new Barnes & Noble in Lahaina.
It’s difficult to describe the thrill of walking into a major bookstore for the first time and seeing your name, a huge poster with the cover of your book and a stack of your novels on display.
While I’m still a galaxy away from being considered a successful author, at least now I feel like I’m on the right track.
The Tate marketing team has performed as promised.
They have set up events in three huge Barnes & Nobles, a Borders and two Hastings bookstores.
Two days after our return from Maui, we had an event at the Barnes & Noble on the beautiful Country Club Plaza.
While the customers weren’t exactly lined up out the door and down the sidewalk to meet me like they have with Steven Tyler and Sara Palin, we had a good day and sold some books — enough books that they have scheduled a second event in June.
Also satisfying is the response of my readers who are coming back to buy the second and third installments of the Lady Justice series.
My goal in writing is to make people laugh and take them away, if just for a few hours, from the sadness and tragedy that fills the newscasts and newspapers.
When I get reviews like the following, it certainly makes it all worthwhile:

“This is the third book in the Lady Justice series. Each one is better than the last, which is saying a lot because the first one was fantastic. Mr. Thornhill has a wonderful sense of humor which he sprinkles liberally throughout his stories. If you have a grandfather, a dad in his retirement years, or you yourself are of the AARP generation you will not be able to hold back your laughter as you read your way through the Lady Justice series. Can’t wait for the next installment! “

And speaking of the next installment, Lady Justice And The Avenging Angels is in the editing phase at Tate Publishing.
I’m hoping for a release sometime in the fall.
In the interim, I’m pursuing the marketing of Lady Justice with a vengeance.
For videos, book trailers, radio interviews and reader reviews, check out my website at http://booksbybob.com .

Chapter 34

booksbybob — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:28:08 +0000

Lei’d at last!
I’m talking about my book life; not my social life!
The third novel in my Lady Justice series, Lady Justice Gets Lei’d was released on March 22nd, 2011.
Lei’d, along with the first two novels in the series, Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P. City Retiree Action Patrol and Lady Justice And The Lost Tapes, are all now available for worldwide distribution.
It has been two months since Tate Publishing released the first two novels and I’ll admit I was somewhat skeptical about the marketing and publicity support that was promised.
While the jury is still out, I am pleased with the results so far.
As a beginning self-published author, I couldn’t get the biggies like Barnes & Noble to give me the time of day.
So far, Tate has scheduled book signing events at the big Barnes & Noble on the Country Club Plaza and at a Hastings Bookstore.
They tell me that the media team is busy contacting more venues for future events.
Since Lady Justice Gets Lei’d is set in Hawaii, Peg and I have a two week trip planned for Maui. Tate is working on scheduling book signing events on the island to introduce the new release.
The multi-media department at Tate prepared video trailers for the first two books and are working on the trailer for #3.
The trailers are 15 second spots that are to be aired on Discovery, Fox News, History Channel, Lifetime, Food Network, TLC, A&E, HGTV, ESPN, USA Network, CNN Headline News, AMC, Angel One, Animal Planet, The Weather Channel and CMT.
I was surprised to receive an email with an audio ad that had been aired on 342 radio stations creating 10,000 impressions.
Press releases were sent to radio and television stations as well as newspapers in the Greater Kansas City area.
So far — so good.
I have learned that writing the book is the easiest part (at least it is for me) of this whole process.
Books don’t get read unless people know they’re out there and the monumental task of marketing is most certainly a joint effort of the publisher and the author.
I finished the manuscript for the fourth installment in the Lady Justice series, Lady Justice And The Avenging Angels.
Contracts have been signed and production starts in May.
I am hoping for a release date before the end of the year.
Wow! What a ride!
It was almost exactly two years ago that I wrote the first word of my first book at the ripe old age of sixty-six.
Now, four mystery/comedy novels, seven chapter books for children, a cookbook and a mini-biography later, I’m having the time of my life.
Who says an old dog can’t learn new tricks?
Website
Video Trailer

Chapter 33

booksbybob — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 15:13:19 +0000

Chapter 33

At last the day has come!

February,1, 2011 is the official release date for my two Lady Justice mystery/comedy novels.

They are both now available on line and through every bookstore.

Tate Publishing is re-releasing a revised edition of my first self-published novel, Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P., and the first edition of the second installment, Lady Justice And The Lost Tapes. It has been a long process.

It was exactly a year ago that I signed my contract with Tate Publishing.

So far, Tate has done everything they promised; a month of copy editing, a month of conceptual editing and the creation of beautiful covers for the books.

The finished products are everything I had hoped for.

Now that the books are available through all of the distribution channels, it’s time for the next phase, marketing.

I have been assigned marketing, publicity and media representatives by Tate and have high expectations for the coming year.

They are preparing video trailers for the books that will be aired numerous times on commercial television.

For the past year, as a self-published author, my book signing events were limited to craft fairs and art shows, but this year I am looking forward to being featured in major book store chains and other media exposure.

The third installment in my Lady Justice series, Lady Justice Gets Lei’d, is scheduled for release by Tate on March 22nd, 2011.

I should be an exciting year!

http://booksbybob.com

The Tears And Triumphs Of A New Author Chapter 32

booksbybob — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 17:36:38 +0000

CHAPTER 32

There are so many things in life that one just can’t understand until they’ve lived it.

Writing a book and getting it published is one of those things.

A year and a half ago, I would have bet anything that getting the story out of my mind and onto paper would have been the biggest challenge.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

I loved the writing process.

Once I got “into the zone”, it was like I had diarrhea of the brain. Once it got started, I just couldn’t shut it off. (Hmmm, I hope that metaphor doesn’t extend to include what actually came out!).

As any writer knows, the hardest part is getting the book published.

Like the vast majority of new writers, I was totally ignored by the big publishers and the successful literary agents, and chose the road of self-publishing.

It is not a decision I regret.

Everything happens for a reason.

So often, when things come too easily, we don’t appreciate them, and conversely, when we have to work hard, we more fully understand the value of what we have accomplished.

By traveling this road for the past year, I have learned a lot about the publishing business, but even more important, I have learned that I have so much more to learn.

Sometimes, things happen that we just don’t understand.

I submitted query letters to many large publishers and agents, but Tate was the last I had expected to hear from.

Tate is a Christian-oriented publisher and my Lady Justice novels just didn’t seem to fit into their traditional offerings, but I wasn’t about to argue with them.

If my experience getting my book in print with Authorhouse was Chapter 1 of my writing career, then marketing my book for a year as a self-published author was Chapter 2.

Chapter 3 began nine months ago when I signed my contract with Tate for Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P. and Lady Justice And The Lost Tapes.

Even though I had seen on every publisher’s website that producing a book takes one to two years, it’s still one of those things you can’t understand until you’ve lived it.

Hmmmm! Nine months — I wonder if it’s just a coincidence that the gestation period for my first two novels was the same as for my two children?

Wait three months to get on the schedule; one month for copy editing; one month for conceptual editing; one month for cover creation; another month for layout design — whew!

You know you’re about ready to give birth when you get the email that says, “The editing department has received and reviewed your final proof and we are nearing the printing phase!”

And finally, “I look forward to wrapping up production. A member of our marketing team will contact you by the end of next week.”

This was the message I wanted to hear.

If I may use a football metaphor, promoting my book as a self-published author was like being a running back and trying to move the football without the benefit of an offensive line or a blocking back. You’ll get caught behind the line of scrimmage every time.

I had read online about the marketing support for Tate authors:

In 2009, for the first time in history, more books were sold outside the walls of brick and mortar bookstores than inside. Certainly this reflects the strength of online retailers such as Amazon and bn.com, but it also reflects the truth that there are a variety of ways for an author to reach the intended, target audience. Bookstores are one element of success, but in bookstores, readers must find the book and author. Finding the target audience for a book involves taking the book to the reader, engaging the reader, and being proactive, not reactive, in the pursuit of success. No one attacks the niche market for their authors the way Tate Publishing does for our fine authors. This month alone we have scheduled over 500 niche events for Tate authors, helping our authors engage the community and create broad visibility in a variety of markets.

And remember, if you are a Tate Publishing author, you NEVER have to go it alone. You have a Marketing Representative at your right hand with a team that rep can mobilize to try something new. Our expertise (some of it formed through our own trial and error) should be a wealth of wisdom about what works and what doesn’t, and we can help place you on the path to success as we work toward that end.

I now have two Lady Justice novels ready to go and the third will be ready in a few months.

I’m ready to carry the ball, only this time, Tate Publishing will be my offensive line of seasoned veterans and my marketing rep will be my blocking back, opening big holes into the brick and mortar stores and other venues that had been denied me up to this point.

Every ball carrier wants a touchdown, but after a year and a half of negative yardage, I would be thrilled to get a few first downs.

It has been a long and winding road from that day I said to my wife, “I think I can write a book,” and sat down at the computer, to the day my first two novels, printed by a major publisher, were delivered to my door.

I’m ready for Chapter 4 and can’t wait to see what lies around the next bend.

The Tears And Triumphs Of A New Author Chapter 31

booksbybob — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 17:56:14 +0000

Chapter 31

My eight-year old grandson had been playing baseball all summer and Grandma and I had attended most of the games.

It was the next to last game of the season and Blake’s team was playing for the championship.

During the warm-up drills, Blake lost a high fly ball in the sun and wound up catching it with his forehead.

As he lay on the ground stunned and bleeding, one of his teammates quipped, “Wow! Cool! You’re grandpa is an author. Maybe he can write a story about this.”

I hadn’t planned on writing any more Rainbow Road stories for awhile, but this kid had thrown down the gauntlet and my creative juices began to flow.

The next day, I started the fifth volume in the series, Sports Heroes of Rainbow Road.

One of the things about my writing that is so special, is that I get to share the process with my wife.

I let her read each chapter after it’s finished and often she has conceptual suggestions that make the story even better, and she creates the covers for all the books.

After my work is finished, she spends hours editing for all the missed commas and misplaced quotation marks. It’s quite a job.

As the series developed, we added more and more illustrations. After all, “a picture is worth a thousand words”.

We spent hours on dreamstime.com together, purchasing the rights to dozens of illustrations and even went back to the original four volumes of the series, added more pictures and republished. The process is so simple with Createspace.

Sports Heroes Of Rainbow Road turned out to be my favorite of the series and after it was finished, I couldn’t shut down the old imagination.

Soon, with fall approaching, volume number six, Ghosts And Goblins Of Rainbow Road, began to form in my mind.

By this time the kids had three super powers each, and the opportunities to use them were endless.

So far in the series, Rainbow Road had transported them to different cities in the U.S. and even to Maui, Hawaii, so in Ghosts And Goblins, Rainbow Road took them back in time to the year 1692, and with their super powers, they were able to change the course of history. How cool is that?

I thought that maybe after Ghosts And Goblins, I would be finished, but how can you have a Halloween story and not have a Christmas story?

In Christmas Crooks Of Rainbow Road, evil thieves steal Blake’s gold coin that bestows the super power of Shape-Shifting, kidnap Santa, assume his identity and threaten to destroy Christmas for the entire world.

Blake and Breonna are, of course, up to the task and in this North Pole adventure, save Santa and Christmas.

There are now seven volumes in the Rainbow Road series.

Done! Finished! No more Rainbow Road stories for awhile.

I’ll have a couple of months to market the new children’s chapter book series before the new Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P. and Lady Justice And The Lost Tapes are released by Tate Publishing.

School has started and my grandson has been taking the chapter books to school and selling them to his classmates. I give him a dollar for every book he sells.

Who says I don’t have a distribution network?

When I started writing the first Lady Justice novel, I had no idea where it was going to take me, and here I am now with three mystery/comedy novels and seven children’s chapter books.

Who wudda thunk?

The Tears And Triumphs Of A New Author Chapter 30

booksbybob — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 16:35:46 +0000

Chapter 30

The third book in the Rainbow Road series of children’s chapter books was Hawaiian Rainbows.

I had been looking forward to writing this one. Peg and I had lived on Maui, Hawaii for five years and we loved it.

My third mystery/comedy novel in the Lady Justice series, Lady Justice Gets Leid, was also set on that beautiful island.

In Hawaiian Rainbows, Blake receives the gold coin for Super Strength.

After receiving another nod of approval from the grandson, Peg created another cover and we sent it off to Createspace.

Three down — and how many more to go?

As with the Lady Justice books, once my mind was fixated on Rainbow Road, it wouldn’t shut off. I found myself again laying awake in the middle of the night conjuring up the kids next adventure.

The Fourth of July holiday was approaching and I thought that an adventure based on a patriotic theme seemed appropriate, so the fourth installment of the Rainbow Road series, Patriotic Rainbows, began to form in my mind.

In this adventure, little Breonna receives the gold coin of Truth. In each story, the previously bestowed super powers are passed on to the next story, so in this book, each kid now has two super powers. With these new-found abilities, they are able to save the Liberty Bell from being destroyed by terrorists.

Even though the Lady Justice series was fiction, these were adult novels and the plots had to be believable.

I felt no such constraints with the Rainbow Road books. Having played with my grandson, I was quite aware of the dazzling stories that are constantly being conjured up in the fertile imagination of a kid, and I let my own imagination run free, pretending I was an eight-year old.

It was actually kind of scary when I realized just how easy that was to do. They say that grandpas are just really old kids, and I began to think that maybe there was some truth there.

“If I were a kid, and could have a super power, what would I do?” It was just like going back sixty years and being Roy Rogers again.

Blake loved Patriotic Rainbows, so off it went to Createspace and Rainbow Road now had four volumes.

Our next event was the Bingham-Waggoner Festival and we had Rainbow Road ready to sell along with Lady Justice.

The new books had the affect we had hoped for. We now had kids dragging their parents to our table and grandmas who didn’t really want to buy a mystery for themselves, would buy a book for their grandchild.

Bingo!

After receiving great reviews from our new Rainbow Road readers, I began to wonder if maybe there could be some commercial value to our new series.

On a whim, I sent the manuscripts of the four Rainbow Road books to the acquisitions lady at Tate Publishing. Since I already had three novels under contract with them, I thought they might at least take the time to look at them.

I have to admit that I was surprised by her response.

“I have had an opportunity to review your juvenile reader books (The Rainbow Road Series.) I liked the books. The dialog between Blake and Breonna is perfect for young readers. You have really captured their personalities in your writing. One part that stood out was when Breonna called Blake a “smarty pants.” You are right on with the age range of readers you are trying to reach. You have written their adventures to be fun and exciting. There is fine line between trying to put too much into a story and just the right amount of adventure. With too much you lose the reader and they become confused with what the ultimate goal of the writer is. Often when this happens it is difficult for a writer to find the proper ending to their story. If there is not enough adventure and personality to the writing the reader gets easily bored and we all know what happens then… the book is put back on the shelf. I think you have a good balance with your story. I am not surprised that parents and grandparents were purchasing the book. It can be difficult to find a book for this age range. Juvenile reader books are highly successful in the industry at the moment.”

I was offered a contract for the Rainbow Road series.

While this was certainly a boost for my ego, and a validation for the series, Peg and I decided that with three Lady Justice novels being published, we would hold off until we were certain that Tate would come through as promised.

At that point we were absolutely happy with our experience with Tate, but we wanted to see if the marketing and promotion would develop as we had hoped.

I had decided to stop writing more Rainbow Road books and get back to Lady Justice #4.

In the meantime, my grandson was sharing his little books with some of his friends, and soon, fate would intervene once again.

The Tears And Triumphs Of A New Author Chapter 29

booksbybob — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:30:38 +0000

CHAPTER 29

In the first installment of the Rainbow Road series, Blake, the eight-year old boy was given the super power of X-Ray Vision.

Not wanting to be perceived as sexist, I decided that in the second book, Super Powers Of Rainbow Road, little six-year old Breonna would get Super Hearing.

While I banged away, one finger at a time, on the computer, Peg busied herself creating another beautiful cover for the book.

When both were finished and bound at OfficeMax, we presented the second installment to my grandson for his critique. Kids his age, after all, are my target audience.

He loved the second book as much as the first and encouraged me to keep pumping them out. I hoped he wasn’t just saying that to make his poor old grandpa happy. How old do you have to be to learn to lie to people so that they feel good?

Then a thought occurred to us. We had been involved in craft fairs, art expos and book signings for almost a year with Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P.

Not everyone is interested in mysteries and we had just the one book on our big eight-foot table.

Maybe if we had a couple of kids books, it would attract more readers to our table.

The OfficeMax version was OK for the grandson critique, but we needed something better to sell.

We decided that since this was a kid’s book, we needed some illustrations, so we went back to Dreamstime.com and purchased some really cute images that fit into the story line.

We were quite happy with the book that Authorhouse had produced, but there was no way we were going down that road with the little kids books.

We had met a young lady at the Lowry City, Mo. Library Author’s Fair.

We love going to those events. We love meeting other authors and comparing notes.

This lady had written a novel and published it with an on-line service called Createspace which we discovered was a company affiliated with Amazon.

We logged on to the website and were amazed to see how easy it was to upload a PDF file and a front and back cover, and the cost, compared to all the other ways we had found to publish, was insignificant.

We realized, of course, that what we were doing was the bottom of the publishing barrel. Besides having a book to hold in your hand, all you got was the title available on Amazon.com., but we didn’t care. All we were interested in was having the kids books on our table to attract a wider range of readers.

We submitted the two volumes of the Rainbow Road series, followed their on-line directions and within a week the books were in our hands.

Frankly, we were not expecting much for the price we paid, but when we opened the box, our little books looked every bit as good as the Random House and Penguin chapter books on the Barnes & Noble bookshelf.

I have to admit that I was excited about these little books and with my grandson’s encouragement, I couldn’t stop writing the darned things!